Nice.

I like how in November I said I would 'un-hiatus' SOS, and now it's April, 5 days removed from my 29th birthday, and I still haven't written shit.

Nice.

Inspiration, can you hear me?

The Un-Hiatusing of SOS

I have deleted most of the entries in SOS and am un-hiatusing (not an actual word) this blog once again to make another declaration I will probably not see come into fruition: I will finish the four stories I have wanted to write by December 31st, 2011. The idea is to self-publish this collection in 2012. With whatever (if any) profits come from this project, I will self-publish my poetry thereafter.

The main problem I have had with even reaching Chapter Two of any of my stories is a simple one: I do not actually know how to write. Sure, I have had poetry published in the past and can write an excellent paper on whatever I am told to write, but the fact of the matter is essays must always follow standard scholastic formats. Basically, you take a sample essay from the obligatory How to Write a Sentence college reader, replace all subjects, analyses and citations in said essay with relevant course-related information and then get your paper back saying it was the best paper your instructor has ever read in his/her beginner's English class.

With poetry you can take any sentence, take out all of the typical words, add some obscure line-spacing/indentations, add/remove capital letters and set it to an iambic pentameter. For example:

The quick brown fox jumper over the lazy dog =

Q U I C K

brown

fox

jumps

o'

l a z y

dog.

Yeah, I know, deep shit.

I know I learn best through mimicry. Mimicry taught me how to ride a bike and tie my shoe - wait, I think that was actually mockery, as my younger sister taught me how to do these things while she laughed in my face. Mimicry, on the other hand, taught me things in the past I think I have done well, thus mimicry will now teach me how to write.

In the last month I bought several books, varying in tone and point of view, which I have enlisted to teach me different ways of storytelling:

Armistead Maupin, Mary Ann in Autumn (the latest of the Tales of the City series)

Jeff Deck and Benjamin D. Herson, The Great Typo Hunt

Andre Agassi, Open

Tucker Max, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Ntozake Shange, for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf (which I've actually read and loved in the one creative writing class I've ever taken)

Heather Sellers, You Don't Look Like Anyone I Know

David Sedaris, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk (one of my favorite writers)

Anything short of plagiarism and/or copyright infringement will be a total success, I think.

I am on a mission so wish me luck. I have found something I want to do, now I just have to actaully start the process. Consider the SOS un-hiatused. I will now use this blog as a space to vent, cry, think and doodle about my little project.

Sense of Self

Writing has always been my creative spark and my individuality. I used to write with the freedom of my own expression. I could stare at a blank computer-screen canvas and paint pictures with my words. I used to provide commentary and criticisms on the on-goings in my life (or yours) and all around the world, share little anecdotes I've gathered throughout my travels, and do it all withour fear of reproach or disapproval. If I didn't write silly little blogs, I would write hopelessly-hopeful (or hopefully-hopeless) poetry. I wrote my truths and honesties with reckless abandon. I've never written with a sense of fear or censorship. I lived and died by the pen - writing has always been my therapy, and sharing has always been my release; writing has been my contribution to the world.

I haven't written in any sort of blog for almost a whole year. In not having written in so long, I've lost my senses of freedom, individuality and voice; I feel like I've lost my sense of self. I've started a new blog, "Sending out a Sense of Self" to recapture that spirit. I'm afraid that I've forgotten how to write, so give me a chance to find myself.